Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
