I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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