My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
