my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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