remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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