I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
