Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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