That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
