At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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