I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
