how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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