Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Randomize
