i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
