my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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