Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
