she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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