Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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