i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
