How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
