I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude i'm inner monologue high
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
