why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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