The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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