i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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