I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize