Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
