just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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