I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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