hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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