I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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