I'm passing your future prison.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
