i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The power of my boobs compel you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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