I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
