it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
