i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sext me about skeletons
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
