At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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