R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
