help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
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THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar