the condom got lost in my hair
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.