Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.