I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
