You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
