The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
