i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
