i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
