i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
