I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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