just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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