I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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