when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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