I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
