I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
