Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
