Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
