I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my vag is so smooth its legendary
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
