you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
