i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
