dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
