right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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