MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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