finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
