Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
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I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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