You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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