Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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