My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
