It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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