Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
